The Adventure Begins

After years of talking about it, my little gaming group, the Adventure Follies, have managed to play a session of Dungeons and Dragons.  This is no small feat seeing as we were spread out across the globe.

I played a half-orc fighter named Dumas.

J played a dwarf fighter named Thud.

Wes played a human cleric named Bartandilus.

Karnor (I don't recall his real name) played an elf mage named Karnor (heh).

Pete played a human druid named Griffith.

The Dungeon Master was Donald.

We covered Hawaii, NY, UK, GA, and IA.

We found ourselves in a small village near the sea.  J was the first to wake to the smell of bacon.  Instead of waking the rest of us, he headed off to the shop and ate the last bacon sandwich in the entire village.

I woke up next.  Being a half-orc, and being in a southern town, the guards were a bunch of racist rednecks.  Right away they started hassling me.  I figured I could stand my ground since whichever being summoned us to the village would want us alive.  I was wrong.  A dozen level 10 guards surrounded me and treated me like a pinata at a Mexican birthday.  I was an inch from death... -9 hp, just 1 hp shy of dying and having to reroll within 10 minutes of the start.

The noise woke up the cleric next.  Being the holy man that he is, when he saw my crumpled body, he did his best to stop the bleeding and kept me from dying.

The noise also attracted the stupid dwarf, who finished his sandwich, then came out of the huts to investigate.  Seeing a wounded orc on the ground, he stabbed it.  Great.  Almost killed by my own teammate.  (Dwarves and half-orcs don't get along.)

Just before I succumbed to my wounds, the old man whose name I can't remember, teleports us to meet him and heals me.  Jerk.  Took him long enough.

Of course, once we were all in his presence, he doesn't give us any information and lets us wander around aimlessly.  Finally, after he got his rocks off watching confused warriors muck about, he told us he needs our help, but first he had a test for us.  We were to get him the claws of 10 giant crabs.

It took us over 15 minutes before we even did something about the crabs.  I said it was a trap.  He has level 10 guards who could get him the crabs.  Why would he send level 1 adventurers?  Someone suggested the druid should charm the crabs.  We thought about having the dwarf tip the crabs over.  We considered digging a large pit... Basically anything we could think of except actually hitting the crabs with our weapons.

During the crabbing expedition, the dwarf and half-orc started fighting again.

To speed thing up (HA!), the DM just said we continued and killed 10 crabs.  We returned to the village at dawn.

(OK, this is taking almost as long as the first session...)

We spent another 15 minutes haggling with an armorer because he wanted to charge the druid 200 gold pieces to make a shield.  Shields only cost 15 gp.  Turns out the shield was magical, but we had no idea it would be, and we had to reason to trust the armorer.

We spent another 20 minutes figuring out our marching order.  It was like the puzzle with the cat, dog, and catfood that you have to bring across the river.  We couldn't leave the half-orc alone with the dwarf, but they were the fighters, so their prime spots were up front together.

***I never got around to finishing up this post, but we spent another 10 minutes arguing about figuring out which direction was north.  "You mean the druid, who is attuned to nature, can't figure out north?"  "We brought the crabs back to town at dawn, but we didn't see which direction the sun rose?"  And stuff like that.  It sounds crazy, but it was all a big bunch of laughs.***