This is Chico. He's one of the world's dumbest dogs. Several years ago, our old dog, Kuma (Bear), died from cancer. He was a good watchdog. He never barked at family, and he would never be friendly to strangers. when he passed away, my dad wanted another watch dog.
There were a few requirements. First, it had to be a large dog. Second, it had to be a tough dog. So an obvious choice was a pitbull. My brother was tasked to find a new dog.
He picked the dumbest of the bunch.
OK, maybe calling him dumb is a bit much. But he's definitely odd. His favorite treats are pears. He eats cat poop. He has a horrible sounding bark when he knows it's play time. He eats dirt. He spends the first 5 minutes of play time eating his leash. He eats weeds that we pull up out of the yard. He hates riding in cars. He has to be put in a cage when taken to the vet. He cries like a little girl when he's in the truck. Literally. Wendy refuses to ride with him anymore due to embarrassment. He pulls like a freight train. He crawls on his belly on the grass. You can't walk him outside of the yard because he goes into brain overload and shuts down. He drinks Diet Pepsi. He loves being sprayed with the hose. He likes chewing on dead toads. He sits on the grass and just watches cars go by. He thoroughly smells my mom's car each day. He runs with his eyes closed. He has actually run into things like legs and trees because he can't see. When he's tired, he does the "dead body" thing that kids do where you have to drag them. He pees in his drinking water. He chokes on his spit. He tries to eat rocks and metal objects.
My dad and I have an ongoing argument. Neither of us will take ownership of Chico. My dad claims Chico is my dog because my name in on the license. I claim the dog belongs to my dad because he paid for him.
The best course of action for Chico's future is to make him Elspeth's dog. I'm sure Elspeth will love him dearly. I hope the fact that Chico has a good 10 pounds on Elspeth won't make her afraid.
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